Women

There are many things about women that keep me puzzled, a bunch that keep me befuddled, and few that down right make me twist my head like a dog hearing a whistle.  To entertain the readers who were blessed to have in their possession a Y-chromosome, and enlighten those who don't, I submit the following:

Menstruation

Women have been cursed (or at least that's what the Bible says) to bleed once a month, and this is known as their menstrual cycle.  As legend has it, this is the time when women are most ripe for fertilization.  With hormones raging, the body swelling with the retention of water, and irritability at an all time high it's a wonder the human race has survived this long!  This is just another example of women blowing things COMPLETELY out of proportion for attention.  So your body releases ONE egg that falls out of your hatchery (also see ovary), slides down your egg chute (also see fallopian tubes), and ends up in your baby basket (also see uterus) and you bleed and whine for days on end.  Really ladies???  Is all that REALLY necessary?  Each time a man releases his seeds for conception you don't see our bodies bleeding all over the place, and we're literally sending out MILLIONS of little soldiers at a time. This is just like the workplace.  Women want special treatment for doing subsequently less than a man.  Not to mention that you only do this once a month.  Men are able to handle this task many times a month with at best only a grunt or moan.  Men are so tough about it we sometimes even do it for fun.  Come on ladies, it's time to drop the charade and just come clean and say you just want special treatment!

Childbirth

Again, I understand that it's painful.  I've witnessed this first hand, and while I sympathize with the whole ordeal, you just have to understand that that's how equality works.  Relationships are about give and take.  Men do their part by planting the child inside you.  The LEAST you can do is to send it back out when it's done!  I mean, how selfish are you people?!?!?

Problems

This is a note from all men to all women: Either tell me your problems because you want me to help fix it, or don't tell me your problems.  What kind of insane person would rather say their problems out loud to another person and not want any help?  That's lunacy!  That's tantamount to telling your mechanic all of the problems you are having with your car, and then just drive away.  How is that helpful???

For the ladies that have actually finished reading this blog, I applaud you.  You are the chosen ones who understand nonsensical banter and know sarcasm when you see it.  Do I believe all of the stuff above?  Not all of it (let me fix your problems please!), so don't get all emotional and start leaving scathing comments below about how insensitive I am, and how I don't understand.  They're just JOKES!  If you don't find them funny, then you might be needing a pad soon!